Wreath pun

If I made a wreath out of $100 bills, would I have a wreath of Franklins?

(Aretha Franklin)

Gamer dogs

I tried teaching my dog video games, but she wouldn't stop pressing the paws button.

Normal joke

I was considering going out with Mrs. Normal's daughter, Abigail, until I discovered she was Abby Normal.

Baking joke

Bakers may make a lot of dough, but cooks have a celery.

Baseball joke

The Major League Baseball union gave into concessions because they didn't want the first pitch to be a strike.

Rich milk

Q: How do rich people separate milk and cream?

A: An eccentrifuge!

Simplify spelling

This blog is in response to an msnbc article about protesters to the spelling bee. I did not write this, but it is clever and really pushes the point. I did find some similar posts at the Spelling Society.

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now
officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has
commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in
communications between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessarily difficult. For example: cough, plough, here, hear, bow,
bough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased
program of changes to iron out these anomalies. The program would be administered by a committee of top level staff chosen by the participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee might suggest using "s"
instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
resieve this news with joy. The hard "c" could then be replased by "k"
sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. This would not only klear up
konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters and
keyboards kould be made with one less letter, a signifikant savings.

In the sekond year, bekause of growing enthusiasm, it will be
announsed that the troublesome "ph" would henseforth be written "f".
This would make words like "fotograf" twenty persent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are
possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. We would al agre that the horible mes of silent "e"'s in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor, we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend.

By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptiv to steps sush as replasing "th" by "z". Perhaps zen ze funktion of "w" kould be taken on by "v", vitsh is, after al, half a "w".

Finaly, ze unesesary "o" kuld be dropd from words kontaining "ou".
Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer aftr yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli
sensibl riten stil. Aftr tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls or
difikultis and evrion vud fin it ezi tu understan esh ozer. Ze drems
of ze E.U. vud finali kum tru.

Car pool problems

Pedestrian traffic is not allowed in the Lincoln Tunnel. So in an effort to accommodate pedestrian traffic, a car pool was set up to take pedestrians through the tunnel. The only problem is that all of the participants ended up with car pool tunnel syndrome.

Okra joke

I went to the market to buy some okra. It was so windy they gave it to me for free. That's what I call okra wind-free.

Popular to buy

Q: Why is everyone buying baby chicks?

A: Because they are "cheep, cheep, cheep".

Knock knock Narnia

Knock knock

Who's there?

Narnia

Narnia Who?

Narnia business